My humble job

"My job is to love you"

Another cheesy love message I once sent to you.
Fingers were at the verge of clicking on that 'delete conversation' button but I pulled it out
No, not now, not now my dear

Well, say that I am a person that does not forget easily
Even letting go seems to be a big thing in my life
Not everything, just you

Human has a pair of eyes, ears, hands and legs.
But why not a pair of heart?

The paired heart is with you.

People around me has been jokingly (or not) trying to match make me with some other strangers
The only answer I can give is just a smile and a shrug
I know, I know, I am not ready for any of it

I have not let go, I have not let you go from me

Sounds stupid as I don't know how this can be continued
How am I going to write our story with a broken pen

Frankly saying, I have no idea

But all I know is I once loved you with my whole heart
I think I missed you more than you do

My job was to love you, (you realized I'm not the one to)
my job is to wait for you (time will prove)

Keep moving on, little me.
Feelings won't be something permanent, they are like clouds.
Thus, loneliness won't be staying long.

Love, even though you're not loved.
Give, before you take.

Now, I will give you time you once longed for

I will wait

Faded

They say that time will eventually fade out your dreams, but I don't believe 

I never did

Should I even believe it?

From what I remember vividly in my mind,
as a kid we ran so fast to race with time to get older, be matured, to fit in bigger sized shirts
to hope to have freedom
of course the big-league is
to achieve our dreams -what we hope to be, what we hope to see

Hours after hours, years after years,
finally we somehow evolved to a taller person, to a person that is not classified as a kid anymore.

At that adolescence stage of ours, we might be energetic and tired at the same time,
realising real life is a struggle and that society is the burning fire -sometimes the flame is bearable sometimes it's not

We were happy with the growth, watching ourselves change, day after day.
Then we came a stage of life where we became indecisive, we became directionless
The path in front is being shovelled perfectly fine, and you know that is not what we want, it will not lead us to the destination on your map.
Courage -are you a creator or a follower
Many of us chose the path that are perfectly fine just with some pebbles and gravels that does no harm to us.

"Well, let's try, if it does not work, let's move on the other path"
That's what we often say, or it's just me

The truth is, we get so comfortable with what's being arranged for us (especially Asian kids)
We once say we will keep doing things we love and find another turnover point to get back on path

How many of us really did?
Suddenly seeing things at this age seems so scary
What's in front is to blur to be seen, it's literally a Smokey Hazy Valley.

This is not who I see myself to be years before
This is not the one person I see myself to be
This is not who I want my past to see

Time has moved so fast that it eventually ate up my courage and motivation
Struggling with the thought of staying in this comfort zone or to go out and do what I should

The answer is pretty obvious at this point
Most of them will say "Go geddit, go fight, with no regrets"

I know. But now I can't
My dreams has been faded away
I lost my motivation
I lost my petite courage

Has time put everything in a fading palette of colors?
At least I know I need to regain my motivation and passion to reignite my long lost dreams

I don't mind the time, I mind the journey
I don't mind how long it takes, I mind when I never try at all
I don't mind if it's baby steps, I mind when it's a no step taken

I mind if I don't try at all
For now, I have no burden, I only have me and only me to answer to
And that I am a free bird roaming free

Take your time, free bird, fly and fly higher when you're ready
Time will bring you a courage test to be a wiser and courageous bird

Time will fade out your dreams, I believe it now, only if you let it happen 

Fly, just spread your wings
Go

Rewind maybe

 

Who will ever thought of the bad will come that soon

Emotions hit me real hard in this year. Joy, anger, sadness, nervousness, excitement, anticipation, and what more, gratefulness, satisfaction and happiness (trying to defense myself for not publishing throughout this year).

It seems like time has gotten way faster than it usually was.
Reaching to an age where me myself deem to see me in another stage of life, doing something great, not just telling people that "Yeah, I'm having a job now". Now you'll wonder where did all of your dreams and that passion went - they eventually fade away leisurely when you leisure your time away.

That, is one question I need to answer myself too. Sucks.

The past travel weeks has got me into a really deep emplacement of where my emotions are. Places of which dragons laying on piles of gold in a dark dungeon. The best place to let your mind wander off is at a place you know no one, and you know nothing about what's in front.

Be lost, be humble, be free, be you.

Break ups had been a real struggle in life. It had always be, me and you, everyone.
A relationship is all about understanding between two souls. When one understands, one will not let emotions take over that easy and will drudge to be a better person.

Loving is easy, keeping it fresh needs effort, both of them.

The hardest part in a break up page is to put the snatch on the dependence you once had on that someone. Is that love or is that a daily routine, that you always do does not seem to have a point. That for me, is the hardest part. Even your brain registers the habit and that is the reason why we tend to dwell in sadness until we pull through that particular variable time frame.

A friend once asked, do you ever regret knowing or spending time that once spent on them and ended up in sorrow?
No, and I will never be. The moments that we once had together, coon's age or just bat of an eye, for sure there are moments of happiness which were precious. Moments where we grow, we learn and we understand each other is just priceless. The extreme of saying to be in regret is when someone is just blurred by tears and emotions.

The one phrase that was often asked in my whole trip was "How I wish you are here with me". Seeing things that I see, sharing plates, sipping on bottles of beers, chilling in summer, walking to places, together, too good to be true.

Growth in a journey is usually the best thing in life.

We know we can do better, but we always missed the chance until there is no chance left.
Taking things for granted.

Love should be something we be proud of. Loving someone worth loving, loving someone that loves you.

I once saw you in me, I once saw you in my future;

Days with you were once blithe;

Hours were when messages travel across miles to reach the other side;

Minutes were when hate overpowered love;

Seconds were when words hurt

To my past relationships, there is a need for me to apologize for not taking hold of each chance once spared and thank you for another heartbreak journey to make me learn the hard way.

And yes, unfortunately this is a break up post for myself (if you think it is a travel post, nah).
Wishing people that are still duelling with heartbreaks eventually recover soon and people are in love, to be in love and to bear what love gives.

Rewind maybe? I know I can do better now